Sunday, April 26, 2009

You might be an Emergency Physician if...

(stolen from the U of A emerg medicine website, I guess they have to have a sense of humour to survive!)

-You have the bladder capacity of 5 people
-Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you
-You find humour in other people's stupidity
-You believe 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see
-You have your weekends off planned a year in advance
-You plan what you are going to have for dinner before doing a gastric lavage
-You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if the phrase "wow it's really quiet" is uttered
-You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a dirty name
-You are prone to complimenting complete strangers on their great veins when you are out in public
-You have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call
-You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide…Doing it right."
-You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a nursing diagnosis
-You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably
-You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience
-You have ever wanted to answer "yes" when someone calls and asks "is my husband, wife, mother, boyfriend, etc. there?"
-Your most common assessment question is "what changed tonight to make it an emergency after six [hours, days, weeks, months, years…..]"
-You believe the waiting room should be equiped with a Valium fountain
-You have been exposed to so many X-rays that you consider radiation a form of birth control
-You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck there..."
-You believe that waiting room time should be proportional to the lingth of time from symptom onset. "You've had the pain for 3 weeks…well have a seat in the waiting room and we'll get back to you in 3 days."
-You know the number for the local Detox by heart.
-When checking the orientation of a patient, you aren't sure of the correct answer.
-You always try to schedule days off around the phases of the moon.
-Your alcoholically challenged patients know you by your first name, and can point to "their room."
-The hem of your uniform is held up with either 3-0 chromic or steristrips.
-You believe things would go much quicker if everyone would just get a head CT, AB's, Narcan and a loading dose of dilantin at the E.D. entrance.
-You associate possible house paint colours with body secretinos or functions such as: Bile green, venous blue, arterial red, puffer pink, mottled blue, etc.
-You believe the sight of a full moon can ruin a perfectly good day.
-You find yourself avoiding an unhealthy COPD patient in the grocery store in fear that he'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
-Your family members have to have a fever of at least 40 or be missing a limb with active bleeding to receive your sympathy.
-You've held a 14 gauge needle over someone's vein and said "now there's going to be a little poke…."
-You are the only one at the dinner table not allowed to talk about your day at work…
-You've ever sworn that you were going to have "NO CODE" tattooed on your chest (or you already have it tattooed!)

1 comments:

Rebecca McKay said...

I'm actually shocked that this is on their website.